I spent this past weekend at a Woman’s Wellness Retreat at Camp Belknap in New Hampshire. I was one of the presenters. I had never been to this retreat before, so I had no idea what to expect. It was beyond amazing…the location, the women, and sharing my passion. But, what I didn’t expect was to be cracked wide open in the woods.
Let me explain.
I arrived up there Thursday night. We were sleeping in cabins with bunk beds. I met 2 wonderful women in my cabin and we chatted until around 11pm, then went to bed.
I’m going to be honest, I have never been fond of being out in the middle of no where in the woods. In part, it has something to do with the movie, Friday the 13th. I mean Camp Belknap could’ve been Camp Crystal Lake!?!?!?
I felt my uneasiness as my mind flashed to Jason popping out of the woods, or hiding under my bunk bed.
But it was much more than that. As I tried to fall asleep, I found my heart beating faster and faster. And of course, there were no locks on the doors! A feeling of complete vulnerability and fear grew stronger and stronger. There was also a very strong feeling of being unsafe and needing to protect myself. I was in full on flight or fight mode.
Now, I knew enough to realize I was being triggered. I was certainly not in any danger. The feelings I was feeling had NOTHING to do with the current situation. But, there was enough about the circumstances of this situation that was reminding my body of a past traumatic event to go on red alert.
I laid there frozen with fear most of that night.
I was so relieved when the morning came. I could relax now. But, I was also presenting that morning. I was exhausted but excited to share my talk with the other women, and that energy carried me through most of the day.
Shortly after dinner, I hit a wall. A big wall. I found the fear growing inside of me about going to sleep that night. I NEEDED to sleep. I needed to get to the root cause of what was triggering me and release it, so that I could relax enough to go to sleep.
So, I went back to my cabin at 7pm exhausted, but determined to get to the bottom of it. Luckily, I had to cabin to myself. I started to use the tools I have to dig deep within myself to figure out what was going on.
I was right, it has nothing to do with being in a cabin in the woods. But, there were elements, like the darkness, which was both symbolic and literal that was triggering. What was coming up was from the sexual abuse I experienced as a child. It happened at night, in the darkness. It was another layer coming up to be healed and released.
You see, when a situation is triggering you from a past trauma, your body reverts back to the you at whatever age the trauma happened. So, when I was laying there frozen in fear the night before, it took me back to when I was a little girl. The little girl that did NOT have the tools or resources to heal and release. The little girl that felt vulnerable and believed she could NOT trust in life…that she was NOT safe or protected. So, I used my energy technique to break those connections, so that I wasn’t stuck in the past. I now DO have the tools and resources to work through it.
Those fears and beliefs were preventing me from sinking more and more into the flow of life. I was still trying to control too much.
I worked on myself for 2 hours. I cried. I let go. I healed. I fell asleep. I only woke up 2 times that night very briefly. The night after, I didn’t wake up at all, and had no fear about going to sleep.
Not only did my fear completely dissolve because I got to the root cause of what was triggering me and let it go, but that following day I was able to trust more in life. By trusting more in life, it allowed me to trust more in being my true authentic self. By trusting more in being my true self, I was able to connect more deeply with others.
So the benefit was not only being able to sleep, but it lead to me relaxing more into myself, and ALLOWING and TRUSTING life to support me. The people that I was meant to connect with naturally flowed into my life. I didn’t need to force anything or try to make anything happen. It was all happening NATURALLY. Opportunities fell into my lap.
I want you to think about a situation that is triggering you right now. Maybe it’s related to money. Maybe it’s related to your kids. Maybe it’s related to your health.
Ask yourself what is it about this situation that is triggering you right now. What is REALLY going on? It may not be what it appears to be. Dig deep.
You are being triggered because there is something from your past that is holding you hostage and creating disruption in your life. It’s preventing you from creating what you really want. This IS life working FOR you. Even though, it might be painful, inconvenient, or scary as hell. If you can find the courage and tools to uncover the root cause and transform, it will be an opportunity for growth and healing. It will turn into a HUGE blessing.
If you don’t have the tools to get to the root cause or heal from it, then you can always apply for a Complimentary Consultation to see if we are a good fit in working together. If I can help you, we can talk about what that looks like.
To apply for a Complimentary Consultation, click here. I will email you within 24 hrs after receiving your application to let you know if it’s a good fit.