When I was 15 years old I had massive jaw surgery where they took bone from my hip and added it to my lower jaw, upper jaw, and chin. I have 24 titanium screws in my face holding it all together. I had a genetic disorder where my jaw was growing down instead of out. The doctors said that by the time I was 20, I wouldn’t be able to chew food. The photo below is pre-surgery.
I was so self conscious about my chin, I would often have my hand by my mouth trying to cover it up. Honestly, I thought I was ugly.
The surgery was traumatic. It was 9 hours long. When I woke up, all I remember was the nurses trying to stick needles in my arm to give me platelets because my blood would not clot. I was vomiting blood and I was very scared. I thought I was going to die.
Finally, I stopped bleeding. I was in the hospital for over a week, much longer than originally anticipated.
I’ll never forget the first day I looked in the mirror at myself. It was about 5 days after surgery when I could finally get out of bed. My face was swollen and bruised. I cried and cried not being able to recognize myself.
My mouth was wired shut for the next 6 weeks. I was down to about 82 pounds.
But slowly I started to heal and gain my strength back. The photo below is 2 years post surgery.
Even though the surgery was successful and to this day my teeth touch each other and I can chew food (I am so grateful for that)…for the longest time I still felt so self conscious about my jaw.
I was so traumatized by the surgery that there was a period of time from my early 20s until about 36 that I never stepped foot in a dentist office. I didn’t want anyone going near my mouth ever again.
I always wanted my jaw to look different, to look “normal” and I let that imperfection impact how I felt about myself for a very long time.
In the last few months, I have been focusing on loving myself and being authentic. This means embracing and accepting all my imperfections.
I’ve come to understand that beauty really does come from the inside. It’s all about how you feel about yourself, not about how you look or being “perfect”.
I recently realized that I needed to switch to wearing glasses because my eyes were getting so irritated with contacts. I used to hate wearing glasses because I used to believe that doesn’t make you look pretty. The photo below is my new glasses!
Well, F that! I’ve let go of so much crap that I believed about what it means to be beautiful or feel beautiful.
I realized when I stop looking on the outside to feel beautiful, I free myself up to recognize the unique beauty that I am.
If you are looking to connect with your authentic self, heal from anything holding you back, and connect with your power to create what your heart truly wants…then you may be interested in a unique event I have created called Awaken to Your Authentic Self, and Connect with Your Power. It’s a combination of a private Akashic record reading where you will become aware of your unique soul blueprint and any patterns of choice sabotaging you AND an intimate IN person day of release and healing in a beautiful location in NH. (Sunday Oct 15th).
Click here to fill out a brief questionnaire if you are interested in exploring if this event is right for you.
With Courage,
Colleen
