You’re a good person, right? I mean you genuinely care about others and want to help them the best you can.
You actually see this as an attribute and proof to your loyalty as an excellent caring friend and family member.
You are the “go-to” person when someone has a problem. You totally make yourself available whenever someone needs you. You bend over backwards talking on the phone with a friend at all hours of the night when you have a long list of things YOU need to get done. If you have kids, you are VERY VERY involved in their lives and decisions.
You take great comfort and satisfaction in being able to help others.
But, you may NOT realize what is REALLY going on.
The kind, generous, caring part of you that on the outside looks so good and noble is really working AGAINST you. It’s distracting you and actually keeping you in a pattern of being stuck in your own personal growth.
You see, the truth is that SO many times when I am talking with a woman who proudly tells me all about how much she helps others, how involved she is in their kids lives, and how she is the problem solver for her family and friends… a HUGE red flag goes up.
You may be thinking WHAT? WHY?
Well, it’s very common for women that have been through a past trauma or crisis to become a “rescuer”. Constantly coming to the rescue of their family and friends….playing the part of the hero.
So, how does this show up in your life?
You may frequently allow for interruptions while you are working from your friends or family members that totally NEED your attention right NOW.
You may have poor boundaries with your clients and allow them access to you any time THEY want.
Every time something BIG or exciting is about to happen in your business someone has a “crisis” and needs you. You drop everything to rush to be there…to your detriment.
So let’s look at WHY you may be doing this in the first place.
After you go through a crisis or trauma you may have a feeling or belief that you are NOT important or do NOT matter. Needing to rescue another person all of the sudden gives you a feeling of being significant. I mean if someone “needs” you then that means you DO matter. But, this also creates a ENDLESS invitation for DRAMA in your life. There will always be someone that needs to be rescued. Someone that needs your help. It will start to suck the life out of you.
It’s actually a coping mechanism that can automatically get put into place so that you don’t have to focus or think about your “stuff”. If you are constantly trying to solve everyone else’s problems then you don’t have time or space to think about what YOU really want or need to change in your life. It’s a convenient distraction.
Now if you are doing this right now and didn’t realize it (or even if you did know)…it probably doesn’t feel very good to hear…maybe it feels like someone just poured a glass of cold water in your face.
But, I can guarantee that if you are playing the role of the rescuer then you are sabotaging some area of your life. Whether it’s your health, your relationships, or your business/career. You see, in order to get what you really want, it’s important to honestly look at what within YOU needs to change.
So I want you to be very honest with yourself right now and ask are you trying to rescue your family and friends?
If you are then I want you to ask yourself what are you avoiding looking at in your own life?
What if you were to give yourself permission to stop rescuing, because I am going to let you in on a little secret…
You will NEVER be able to rescue ANYONE.
I’m not saying don’t be there as a good listener. I’m not saying to stop caring. But, stop trying to rescue. It’s a detriment to you and to the person you are trying to rescue.
With Courage,
Colleen
