Have you ever had a situation that you got all worked up about and it didn’t turn out being what you thought?

This happened a few weeks ago.

There was a situation where I felt a friend was being fake.  She would say how she cared about me and what a great person I was.  But, when I attempted to connect with her on a deeper level, I felt like she blew me off.  

It really bothered me, but I didn’t say anything to her.  

A few weeks went by, and I kept thinking about it.   I had made up plenty of stories in my head…

Maybe she didn’t really care that much about me?  Maybe I’m not worth connecting with?  Blah blah blah… 

Her behavior really struck a nerve with me.  I just couldn’t seem to let it go.

I know when this happens, it’s time to look deeper within myself.  

So, I started to ask myself why does this bother me so much.  The answer surprised me…

I caught myself one day in a conversation totally nodding and smiling in agreement with something that I did NOT agree with.  I startled myself.  I was like, holy cow, what am I doing?  Why am I just agreeing with this person?

Now, this may not seem like a big deal.  BUT, I started to notice how often I do this.  I would tell myself, it’s just easier to nod, smile, and agree.

I started thinking about past experiences in my life and realized that the “nod and smile” was one of my biggest protective mechanisms.  

The truth is that I was being fake…not intentionally or maliciously, but I was not being my true self.  I was not expressing my true opinions.  

Then, with the loving nudge from a friend, I decided to talk to my friend about how I felt.  I shared with her how I felt she was giving me mixed messages and how I felt she blew me off and that felt she was being fake.  She was surprised.  She had no idea that I felt that way and certainly didn’t intend for me to feel that way.  All of the stories I made up about the experience were wrong.  

Sometimes when we are really triggered by the behaviors of others, it’s because it’s a part of us that is looking to be acknowledged.

This situation provided me with a great opportunity to look at times I am fake.  It has provided many uncomfortable situations where I have chosen to be MYSELF and say what I really feel instead of just doing the “nod and smile”.

Is there a situation that has really bothered you lately that you can’t seem to let go of?

Take a look within you, and ask yourself why it bothers you so much?  Is it mirroring a behavior that YOU are doing without even realizing it?

Looking back, I am so grateful for this experience.  It has provided me with valuable awareness and opportunities to break out of a limiting habit, so I can show the real me.  

With Courage,

Colleen