There is no easy way to start what I want to share with you…so I’m just going to jump on in…
I was mad at God for a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time… like most of my life. Actually, I don’t think mad is the right word. I was more like full of resentment and rage.
You see, my dad died suddenly in a motorcycle accident when I was 3 1/2 yrs old. I will never forget the memory burned in my brain of being at my Granny’s house when the police came to the door to deliver the devastating news. It was a defining moment in my life. One that I desperately wished was just a really bad dream.
In that moment, several things happened in my body subconsciously. I made judgements about what had happened and what I THOUGHT were the truth. I thought that God had taken my dad away from me.
I thought that I was somehow being punished for not being good enough or that it meant I did NOT deserve to be loved. My dad and I were VERY close. I have vivid memories of riding on his motorcycle with him, playing tickle monster, and most of all I distinctly remember the unconditional love that I felt from him. And that was all gone…and I was left there devastated.
My dad was only 27 when he died. 27! He had so much life left to live, I would tell myself. I would consistently ask God, why did you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Some pretty tough questions to think of as a child.
The only thing that I could imagine is that God took him away. So my anger and resentment built. I was forced to go to Catholic church growing up (sorry mom)…and I dreaded every minute of it. Why would I want to go and celebrate God when I was feeling so much pain and anger from what he did to me. Why would I want to go there and see all of those other families that still had their dad, I would think to myself.
I completely shut God out of my life. It seemed like the only logical thing to do. And I was left with all of that anger, rage, and sadness locked inside of me.
Then when I had my awakening 5 1/2 years ago, I awoke to how the world really works and set out on a journey of tremendous healing in all areas of my life.
What became clear to me was that all of that anger, rage, and sadness I had stuffed down inside of me was killing me. It was coming out as anger and rage toward the people that I loved and I didn’t want to live like that anymore.
Along my healing journey, I learned that your choices create your reality. One day a light bulb went off inside of me…God did NOT take my dad away from me! My dad made a choice that night to get on a motorcycle after drinking too much. Everything changed. All of the anger, resentment, and betrayal I was feeling toward God shifted. I saw the truth. God did not take my dad away from me! My dad made a choice, a very poor choice, and there was a reality created from that choice. WOW!
Then I became aware that almost a lifetime of anger and rage I had directed toward God was misplaced. I was really angry at my DAD! How could he do this???
Seeing the truth allowed me to process all of the emotions I was feeling toward my dad that had NEVER been dealt with in almost 30 something years. It allowed me to forgive him and heal. It also allowed me to open up to deeply connecting back with God and having my relationship with this creative energy be an essential part of my life.
The story that I told myself about why my dad died set me up for YEARS of heartbreak and devastation. The story that said I was NOT enough, I did NOT deserve to be loved. What I was really saying is that God, the Universe, the Higher power, whatever you want to call it is an UNSUPPORTIVE, PUNISHING, and an UNLOVING energy.
Guess what I created from that perspective????
MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY more experiences in my life in which I did NOT feel supported, I felt punished, and felt like I was NOT loved.
In business it shows up as…
- a gut-wrenching feeling that everyone else around you is successful EXCEPT you! It’s like one success story on Facebook after another and it feels like people are shoving their success in your face, even though they are not.
- feeling like no matter what you did in your business it is never good enough! You network, you use speaking, you do webinars…but you never reach your goals.
- feeling like you can never catch a break! You do a lot of effort to get leads, but when you get to the money part of the conversation, no one ever has the money to pay for your services.
Here’s WHY…
It’s YOUR perspective that determines how the world interacts with YOU! Where YOU are coming from deep down creates your experiences, dictates your actions, and who you attract into your life.
Most of your perspectives are born from your experiences in life. They automatically get put into place. It’s the ones that occur after a past trauma that will be the most detrimental in your life. I didn’t consciously think to myself at that age of 3, I am not good enough, I am being punished, I don’t deserve to be loved. That happened automatically. The awareness of these perspectives came many years later when I was revisiting this trauma and doing the inner work to heal from it.
This awareness AND having the tools to re-wire my body so I could change my perspective and heal from past traumas has completely changed my life!
It’s NOT about intellectually knowing this…it’s about feeling it in your heart and soul. It’s about re-wiring your body to the TRUTH and discarding everything else. It’s about knowing with all of your being that you do deserve what you want. You ARE good enough. You DO deserve love.
If you are NOT creating the results that you want in your business or life, then I want you to ask yourself WHERE are you coming from inside? What past unhealed trauma STILL has power over you? So many people that have gone through a trauma deep down are mistakenly blaming God, The Universe, the higher power. Remember, this happens subconsciously!
Are you coming from a place where you feel you always get screwed over or taken advantage of?
Do you feel like you always have to prove yourself?
Have you become a servant to your business, where you “have” to make yourself available 24/7 when you really do NOT want to?
Wherever you are coming from is what you will create. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy.
The tricky part is that it’s the perspectives that you have DEEP down that stem from unresolved trauma that are the ones that are sabotaging you. The ones that you may not be consciously aware of right now.
What needs to change and be healed for you to open up to create what you really want???
If you are ready to deeply transform the perspectives that are sabotaging your success and re-wire your body so you feel in your heart and soul that you ARE good enough then I want to share an opportunity with you.
If you are …
- 100% committed to your breakthrough in your business
- ready to do whatever it takes
- ready to make changes NOW
I want to invite you to apply for a Complimentary Breakthrough Consultation with me. Click here to apply
You will be notified within 24 hrs if your application is accepted. If it is, we will set up a time to talk. We will talk about what is holding you back, what is possible if you healed from the traumas that are holding you back, and if we are a good fit, we will talk about what it would look like to work together.
With Courage,
Colleen
