I like to think of myself as an intelligent person.

 I graduated honors from high school and college.  I have a doctorate.  I moved out of Ohio to the East Coast.  I married a chiropractor…can you say free adjustments for life!  🙂

 Anywho,  even though I have made some great decisions in my life, I have also made my fair share of poor decisions.  Maybe you can relate?  

 But, there has been one thing that I have become aware of recently, thanks to a health issue, that I want to share with you.  I realized what has been the driving force behind 95% (maybe 99%) of my decisions for the last 39 years!!!

 It has caused me to get WAY too involved in things.

 It has caused me to travel all over the country the last 4 years, sometimes missing my kids games and school activities.

 It has caused me to invest tens of thousands of dollars on coaching programs and mastermind groups.

 What hit me like a Mac truck going 90mph was the fact that I was making decisions longing to feel significant…longing to feel like I mattered…longing to feel like I deserve to be loved…to PROVE that I deserve to be loved.

I kept looking for something outside of me to tell me that I deserve it.  That I deserve to be happy. That I deserve to be loved.  I kept waiting to reach some version of “success” to prove that I deserve it…who knows who’s fucking version of success I was using, because it was NOT mine.  

 I killed myself driving all over the state of Massachusetts and New Hampshire networking…because I thought if I just got more clients, I would feel good enough.

 I took on all kinds of responsibilities in a networking group I was apart of…because if I could prove to everyone how awesome I am, then I would feel good enough.

 I would get up early and work late, because if I could just make more money, then I would prove that I deserve to be loved.

 I would travel all over the country sponsoring events, because I thought if I invested in my business and sponsored events, then I would prove how committed I am, and I would prove I am good enough.

 Now, all of those actions (for the right reasons) can lead to great things.

 Well, guess what?

 NONE of it fucking mattered!

 I was doing ALL of it and then some and I still didn’t feel good enough.  I wasn’t happy.  I kept thinking that once I accomplish that next big goal, I will feel it.  And whether I accomplished the goal or not, I would not feel good enough.  It was never enough.  

 Here’s where I made the biggest mistake…I was giving my external environment 100% power over me.  I was a slave to my results.  

 And…I thought I had conquered all of my self-worth issues.  SHIT!  This was a wake up call.  Those sneaky little bastards were hanging enough beneath the surface that they were invisible to me.  I was in the dark behind my TRUE motivation.

 Until…I had this health issue surface.  Then, I got REAL with myself.  I stopped bullshitting myself, and I opened my eyes to the TRUTH.

 What I realized is that NOTHING outside of YOU can make you happy.  NOTHING outside of YOU can make you feel like you deserve to be loved.  It doesn’t matter if you are making $100 a month, $10,000 a month, or $100,000 a month…if you have not developed the ability to love yourself and be happy no matter what, you are in a never ending battle.

 That is a feeling that can ONLY come from within YOU….no strings attached.

 You gotta be able to love yourself when you succeed, when you fail, when things are awesome, and when life totally SUCKS.

 That is the key to FREEDOM!  That is how you escape the self-made prison of being a slave to your results and external environment.

 Now, here’s what’s really important…it’s VERY easy to intellectually tell yourself that you “get” what I am saying.  This isn’t about understanding this from your mind.  It’s about FEELING it in your body and soul. It’s about KNOWING that you deserve to be happy.  It’s about LOVING yourself unconditionally.  

 You can’t wait to be happy until you are in that “perfect” relationship.  

 You can’t wait to be happy until you are making more money.

 You can’t wait to be happy or love yourself until you loose weight.

 What conditions are you putting on your self worth and happiness?

 Are they really serving you?

 If you could be happy right now and love yourself unconditionally, what NEW choices would you make?

 Feel free to share them with me, by commenting below.

 I feel happier and freer now more than I have ever felt in my life.  I have let go of so many responsibilities and I am loving myself unconditionally.  I no longer have to prove nothing to nobody.  

 With Courage,

Colleen